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Freedom in right sense!

It is very interesting how one absolutely gets attracted to a woman or fall for her on the first sight but how one gets judgmental from the very next moment on wards. Is it the human nature to be judgmental? Absolutely! I am not aware of a person, including me, who is not judgmental once in a while. ‘Being judgmental’ - is not a good thing to own for a long time or a flaunt-able element. When it enters our head, it has to be released immediately. Unfortunately, most humans are obsessed by it. I don’t understand if people don’t get tired of judging others for who they are, what they do?

I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an aunt, an engineer, a painter, a writer, a poet, a teacher, a learner among many roles that I play. A learner being the most that I enjoy, a mother being the most challenging, a woman being the most vulnerable role because of the male dominated society that we live in. Yes, we do speak of equality and the women empowerment but I strongly feel that HER wings are still not set free completely to take HER flight independently, somewhere they are held by some kind of invisible yet impact-able strings more so because the society is judgmental.    

I have been judged many a times. At home, at office, by friends, by relatives, by family, by known strangers, may be at times by complete strangers. And the maximum that I have been judged is as a mother. A MOTHER has failed if she doesn’t breastfeed; SHE has failed if she wants to stop breast feeding after 6 months; (As I write this, my mind tells me to mention that I have breast fed both my daughters almost 2 years. Reason? I should not be judged otherwise. Oh! We are so conditioned to judgements ) SHE has failed if she keeps her career on top after having a child. SHE has failed if she goes to office and raises a kid. SHE has failed if she takes help from mother, mother-in-law or a care taker. SHE has failed if she does not cook for her kid. SHE has failed if she feels exhausted. SHE has failed if she piles some weight, if she lost too much weight. SHE has failed if she doesn’t eat enough, if she eats what she likes. SHE has failed if she dresses herself, if she doesn’t dress up, if she looks after herself, doesn’t look after herself, if she scolds her child, if she pampers her child, if she tutors her child, if her child is being tutored by others. SHE has failed if the kid is academically good but doesn’t have interest in other fields, if the kid is academically poor but excels in field of his interest. SHE has failed if she expects support from the child’s father, if she doesn’t bother about the father’s involvement. SHE has failed if she rests, if she works. SHE has failed if she is a single parent, if she is parenting with her husband. SHE has failed if she speaks her mind, if she keeps silent. And the list would go on and on and on like an endless ocean. What hurts the most is when a woman judges another woman, and a mother judges another mother. What joy is gained in having superiority on a role played? Comparison is between two similar things. Isn't everyone’s situation, nature, capacity and most importantly the thought process different? Can’t people just live and let live. I have often been questioned or more so being made to feel guilty by saying “We live in an INDEPENDENT INDIA; don’t we have the freedom to speak what we want to?”

Of-course, it’s a free India, and we are free to speak our mind. The sad part is we often forget that freedom always comes with huge responsibility.  SPEAK, to bring the smile, but not to bog a soul that is already exhausted. SPEAK, to make better choices, but not to put somebody down. SPEAK, for a reason that’s worth a mind and others time, but not to comfort your mind. Isn’t that about freedom in right sense?


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