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Can’t relate to the related



It has been years; Mom has never volunteered for a tablet; being a yoga buff, she has always avoided doctors and tablets, looking for natural remedies.

Off late she hurt her back; being a stubborn lady (I appreciate her WILL on a certain things, without her stubbornness, she would not have learnt riding 2-wheeler 10 plus years back at the age of 50 plus), she tried to digest the pain for 2 days; finally gave in and asked me to take her to the doctor.

We went to the doctor, she hid her actual pain and stuck to her statement of minimalism on her pain. She needed a confirmation from doctor that it was just a muscle catch and not an injury to bone. Doctor was very positive and knew the way to handle her. He asserted it was not muscle related. Since my mother was in denial of severe pain, he asked to wait for a week to go for an X-ray.

He prescribed pain killers for the time being. Then he said “It is better to avoid pain killers and take precautions rather than take them and neglect the health.”
Doctor also added “Seriously no bending and lifting heavy objects.”

Being aware of her severe pain and her attitude to keep everyone happy, I knew she would take tablets and neglect her health. I needed a confirmation that she actually was in pain.

I said “Amma, let’s not take pain killers. However, you don’t take tablets.” I knew she cannot do without tablets this time.
I was surprised on her admission of pain. She said “Let’s take it. I had severe pain in the afternoon and was not able to get up.”
I insisted and assured that I took the pain killers for only 2 days.

We were back home; she took a tablet and was on her toes again.

She gets up at 4 just to ensure that she is able to pack food for her daughter-in-law who leaves by 6:30 am to office to avoid long hours in traffic. 
I had insisted my mother on hiring cook. She had replied “Who is going to come so early to cook? If you guys are tired of my cooking then you can go for a cook.” I could see I was trying to invade her territory, her kitchen! She finds her identity in cooking and it has been her means to get her son’s attention and appreciation. She does not realize that she would get that otherwise also. 

I had asked “Why don’t you ask your daughter in law to take the second bus, so that you can wake up leisurely?”
She responded “She is going to look for a job close by. Its hard for me to cook and make the kid (my brother’s daughter ready) in the morning. If she changes the job, she can get her kid ready. However, getting up at 4 has become a habit now.”

My sister-in-law changing the job looked a far-off thing to me. She has been unable to give time to her kid itself. She is either busy in office or with her music classes post office. Unknowingly dumping the small one’s responsibility on people at home, which is obviously my mother. Running behind a 4-year-old is always tedious be it for food or for other numerous small things. My mother is an expert that way. She has looked after both my kids when I worked. I thanked God for all the support I received from my mom when I used to work in a company that works on crazy hours.  My mom always wanted me to be financially independent and she supported me unconditionally. Something that I am grateful to her for the lifetime. 

Now, my concern is her age; but I stay in denial not wanted to accept the fact that she is growing old. I could see in my mom’s eyes was hope that her daughter-in-law would change job and take the responsibility of kid in the morning at least. I prayed her hope is attended to and kept quiet.

I knew that my brother’s assurance and his time spending with his mom is a best medicine for my mom. Its been 2 days, my brother has been busy with his office work and running to get pots for the dying plants in the evenings. Not that he does not care for his mother. Probably he would do anything for her in the world if he is aware of things. I thought that sometimes we are so busy into our day-to-day stuffs that we fail to see the abnormalities of the taken-for-granted things.

Hmmmph! It is at such times that I feel so unrelated to the related.

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