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Outgrowing, the pain

Mother's money plant in her old pot - shot on my phone
My colleagues used to tell me I have insight. May be. But if that is true, it is also true that it comes with pain.

Yesterday post noon I had symptoms of migraine.  Was it the noon sun? Was it half cooked moong(sprouted green gram) that I ate in the morning? or Was it some food that I had in the marriage function? Or Was it last night’s disturbed sleep? As usual my attempt to figure the reason for migraine failed and I was convinced Mr. Sun to be the culprit.

I wanted to rest before my migraine intensified. There was time when I was popping 10 pills per month for migraine. However, it has been 16 months since I depended on pills for instant relief. A forced puke and a good amount of sleep does the trick for me.

Kids were back from school and migraine had managed to grow. I knew I needed that escape in sleep to not let migraine intensify. By then my brother entered and asked if I wanted to join him for the pot purchase. My instant reply was no. In fact, I wanted to send kids with granny for a movie. But things did not work.

A voice in me said ‘go check it out’. A few days back my sister in law had announced that my brother has instructed her to get 30 pots. They had also figured out a shop for the purchase during their occasional Sunday bicycle ride. They had glorified the shop and the shop keeper so much that I really wanted to check it out. I asked if he could give me 15 minutes, I would make it to the shop. I also knew that would mean driving in the city with migraine; which I usually avoid. I tried to force a vomit in the restroom but failed partially. However, I decided to go for the pot shopping.

We reached the shop after an hour’s drive. My mother had other plans so we ended up a few rounds here and there before we headed to the shop. It was a small shop. With all the background glorification provided I built a perception that it was a small shop run by huge passion. We stepped in. The plant collection was ok. Most of them were one’s that could be propagated from stems or through the extended roots. Some crotons, creepers, succulents and a few bonsais. His pot collection was also ok. Probably he had only few in the shop and bought others on demand. 

Kids were enthusiastic in selecting their pots. They were checking on my opinion for their choices. I was not at my best health to join them and be enthusiastic. Migraine had shot up. Most of the pots they selected were ceramic show pieces which hardly had space for plants to outgrow. I was constantly insisting on going for a bigger pot.  I was only partially successful. I said no to one of ceramic cat pot selected by my daughter. It had a small damage and the paint was faded. It neither served the purpose of space nor a showpiece. I was trying to persuade her. My brother was blurt "you look out for perfection." Judgement passed. I said "Its not about perfection but ....." I stopped and did not feel the need to justify.

Everyone was in their own world. My brother who loves number was on his race to hit the number 30.  My sister in law was checking on health. Oh, not mine, plants’ 😉. Kids were busy selecting show pieces for their tables. Mom was checking on big cover pots for her beautifully spread out money plant in her old pot. I was just outgrowing pain.

Just then my eye caught attention on English Ivy. A plant that I had never seen but only read about. I asked the guy if it was Ivy. He confirmed. I came to the exit place and stood there. All that I wanted to was go home and escape from pain. Just then I noticed my sister-in-law check on Ivy plant. I could read her face not just that moment but every time I reveal something about plants – “How does she have knowledge about plants? She is a girl from city? Which YouTube channel or person helps her with information?” Every time I curb to respond to her unasked questions. Insights are blind. Why take a chance that too when the health is not supporting. Moreover intentions matter and find their way.

I prayed lord to endure me with strength to drive back home safely. Nobody else in the group knew driving and by now my head ache was fully grown. I noticed all the small pots that were selected. I thought they were good showpieces, though they lacked much needed space to grow. I personally liked only 2 pots. The one that was picked for anthurium and the other that was picked to grow micro-greens. They had the much-needed space for the plants to grow. Anything that is not ingrown never outgrows. Just then my little voice said “Lady, you not just need space but also need time. Time to rest to outgrow your pain.”  I asserted pain nourishes courage.


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